Perfectionists, responsible, fixated on improvement
People of this personality type are essentially looking to make things better, as they think nothing is ever quite good enough. This makes them perfectionists who desire to reform and improve; idealists who strive to make order out of the omnipresent chaos.
Ones have a fine eye for detail. They are always aware of the flaws in themselves, others and the situations in which they find themselves. This triggers their need to improve, which can be beneficial for all concerned, but which can also prove to be burdensome to both the One and those who are on the receiving end of the One's reform efforts. The One's inability to achieve the perfection they desire feeds their feelings of guilt for having fallen short, and fuels their incipient anger against an imperfect world. Ones, however, tend to feel guilty about their anger. Anger is a "bad" emotion, and Ones strive sincerely and wholeheartedly to be "good." Anger is therefore vigorously repressed from consciousness, bursting forth in occasional fits of temper, but usually manifesting in one of its many less obvious permutations - impatience, frustration, annoyance and judgmental criticality. For this reason, Ones can be difficult to live with, but, on the high side, they tend to be loyal, responsible and capable partners and friends.
Ones are serious people; they tend to be highly principled, competent and uncompromising. They follow the rules and expect others to do so as well. Because they believe so thoroughly in their convictions, they are often excellent leaders who can inspire those who follow them with their own vision of excellence. Reform movements are frequently spearheaded by Ones.
Ones are often driven and ambitious, and are sometimes workaholics. But whatever their professional involvement, they are definitely active, practical people who get things done. They are natural born organizers, list makers who finish everything on the list, the last one to leave the office, the first one to return, industrious, reliable, honest and dutiful.
The relentlessness of their pursuit of the ideal can make Ones tense people who have a hard time relaxing and who unnecessarily deny themselves many of the harmless pleasures of life. They tend to be emotionally repressed and uncomfortable with expressing tender feelings; they generally see emotionality as a sign of weakness and lack of control. They are seldom spontaneous. They have multiple interests and talents however; they are self-reliant and seldom run out of things to do.
Ones are often intelligent and independent and can easily mistake themselves for Fives, but unlike Fives, Ones are primarily people of action, not thought. Ones tend to worry and are prone to anxiety and can sometimes mistype as Sixes, but they are far less affiliative than Sixes and their standards are not reached by seeking consensus with a group. Finally, the relentless pursuit of perfection can take its toll and lead to depression. At such times, a One can mistype as a Four. But Fours have a tendency towards self-indulgence whereas Ones are self-denying. Fours are emotionally expressive; Ones are emotionally constrained.
At their best: Wise, discerning,
realistic, reliable, self-disciplined, fair, honest, productive, and noble,
they can be morally heroic.
At their worst: Judgmental, dogmatic,
critical, controlling, inflexible, jealous and anxious, they can become
unrelaxed, intolerant and retributive.
1. I like everything to be as
perfect as possible. 2. I work very hard
to get rid of my faults. 3. 1 find I
apologise a lot for all sorts of things.
4.The adjective which describes me best is probably "finicky"
(fussy, going for minute details). 5. It
upsets me enormously when people aren't fair.
6. I always think I'm not good
enough to merit other people's love.
7. I find it difficult to relax
and take time out. 8. I have an in‑built conscience which
continually nags at me. 9. I identify with reformers and all those
who fight for what's right. 10. Finding
the least flaw in something puts me off.
11. I see things in terms of
black or white rather than as shades of grey.
12. I rarely have enough time in
which to do everything I need to do.
13. I get upset when things
aren't the way they should be. 14. I'm a worrier. 15. I
like to be right; I don't like to be wrong.
16. I resent it when people don't
measure up to what they should be. 17. I
can be very strict and puritanical at times.
18. I pay too much attention to
details and minutiae. 19. I'm always finding fault and noticing what's
missing. 20. When things go wrong I keep analysing
precisely why. 21. I feel everyone should be honest, myself most
of all. 22. I object strongly to wasting time. 23.
I'm continually blaming myself for not being better. 24. I'm
generally restless, striving continuously for what's beyond my grasp. 25. I
am very resentful, sometimes unbearably so.
What do I miss because of My distorted style?
1)
Spontaneity, fun, light-hearted gaiety, feeling relaxed. 2) more carefree interactions with people. 3)
trust in self, others, reality. 4) going
with the flow; enjoying the process as opposed to controlling and pushing the
river. 5) being yourself as opposed to
having to prove yourself. 6) tolerance
and acceptance as opposed to being under the gun, scrutinised, criticised,
pressured.
ONES with a more
developed TWO wing tend to be
warmer, more helpful, critical, and controlling. Tend also to be very anxious. ONES with a more
developed NINE wing tend to be
cooler, more relaxed, objective, and detached. Tend to take it easy, procrastinate.
ONES with TWOS
Traits in conflict: over-responsibility
-concern for tasks -concern
for people
-rational &
impersonal -emotional
& involved with people
Balancing}-neatness/perfection ----------------> -person-priority
Points: } -achievement ----------------> -sensitivity
-judgmental/critical ----------------> -accepting
ONES with NINES
Traits reinforce: obstinacy
-avoid anger -avoid
conflict
-removed from environment -removed
from environment
because it to relates to ideals
because it relates to
idealisation of people
Balancing}-perfectionism,
setting --------------> -relax
with things
Points :} the
world right
>
-seriousness -------------------> -"what will be,
will be"
-resentment -------------------> -peacefulness
When
ONEs move toward the positive side of SEVEN, they:
-become less critical and more self-accepting
-become more enthusiastic and optimistic
-act more naturally and spontaneously
-shift their attitude away from what's bad in the situation toward
what's good
-plan more activities that are simply for enjoyment
When
ONEs move toward the negative side of the SEVEN, they become self-destructive through addictions or other
excessive or exaggerated behaviour.
When
ONEs move toward the negative side of FOUR, they:
-feel indignant because their expectations are not being met by
themselves, others or life in general
-turn their anger inward and become depressed
-lose trust in themselves and/or feel unloved and unlovable
-long for what they don't have and feel hopeless about ever
getting it
When
ONEs move to the positive side of FOUR, they get in touch
with deeper feelings and become involved in creative or artistic activities
1) Relax and take things easy. You tend to take yourself
too seriously. Take your foot off the brake when you're skidding. Get in touch
with your playful side. Take a break before you break.
2) Experience your anger. Own it, and recognise that
you do not have to act out of it. Express your anger cleanly or let it go as
opposed to holding onto it and being resentful. Be forgiving of yourself and
others.
3) Get in touch with your feelings, especially those
you are least happy with-the messy, chaotic and inappropriate ONEs (sexual and
aggressive responses) which you seek to control. People are not condemned for
having limitations. Try divergent as opposed to convergent thinking. Shift
your categories from either/or, all-or-nothing to both/and, continuum, process.
4) Stop judging yourself and others by their hidden book of
rules. They need to be less rigid and more patient. Look at what's right in
yourself and the situation instead of what's wrong; look at what's there as
opposed to what isn't there; see the glass as half full as opposed to half
empty.
5) Appreciate the principle of growth. Mistakes are a
normal part of the way people grow to maturity. This is a process which takes
time and cannot be rushed. Trust the process: everything, including you, is on
the way.
1. I now release holding myself and others to impossible
standards.
2.
I NOW RELEASE my fear of losing control and becoming irrational.
3.
I NOW RELEASE my fear of being condemned for being wrong.
4.
I NOW RELEASE refusing to see my own contradictions.
5.
I NOW RELEASE rationalising my own
behaviour.
6.
I NOW RELEASE obsessing about things I cannot change.
7.
I NOW RELEASE all bitterness and disappointment with the world.
8.
I NOW RELEASE feeling that other people's beliefs and values threaten me.
9.
I NOW RELEASE believing that I am in a position to judge others.
10.
I NOW RELEASE driving myself and others to be perfect.
11.
I NOW RELEASE ignoring my own emotional and physical distress.
12. I NOW RELEASE feeling angry, impatient, and
easily annoyed.
13. I NOW RELEASE fearing and disowning my body
and my feelings.
14. I NOW RELEASE allowing my desire for order
and efficiency to control my life.
15. I NOW RELEASE automatically focussing on what
is wrong with things.
16. I NOW RELEASE feeling that it is up to me to fix everything.
17. I now affirm that I can allow
myself to relax and enjoy life.
18. I NOW AFFIRM that the best I can do is good enough.
19. I NOW AFFIRM that I am grateful that others have many things
to teach me.
20. I NOW AFFIRM that I can make mistakes without condemning
myself.
21. I NOW AFFIRM that my feelings are legitimate and that I have a
right to feel them.
22. I NOW AFFIRM that I treat others with tenderness and respect.
23. I NOW AFFIRM that I am gentle and forgiving of myself.
24. I NOW AFFIRM that I am compassionate and forgiving of others.
25. I NOW AFFIRM that life is good and unfolding in miraculous
ways, and that I am patient with that process.
A) Lord God, there are times when I look at myself and see only a sinner and
you as a Just Judge Who will make me pay for all my imperfections. I know in
the depths of my heart that you are wonderfully compassionate and I am
fundamentally good. I just need to be patient, I realise now, to do what I can
and then to wait for the growth which comes through your healing touch. Lord, have mercy.
B) Lord God, I thank you for giving me a keen sense of what is right and a
diligent desire to do good. In my attempts to live up to my ideals, help me to
be patient and forgiving. Teach me to be tolerant of mistakes rather than
always finding fault with things. Show me how to accept what is good enough
and, above all, how to lighten up, enjoy life and gently relax in your love. Amen.
1. Learn to relax. Take some time for yourself, without feeling
that everything is up to you or that what you do not accomplish will result in
chaos and disaster. Mercifully, the salvation
of the world does not depend on you alone, even though you may sometimes feel,
it does.
2.
You have a lot to teach
others and are probably a good teacher, but do not expect others to change
immediately. What is obvious to you may
not be as obvious to them, especially if they are not used to being as
disciplined and objective about themselves as you are about yourself. Many people may also want to do what is right
and may agree with you in principle but for various reasons simply cannot
change right away. The fact that others
do not change immediately according to your prescriptions does not mean that
they will not change sometime in the future.
Your words and, above all, your example may do more good than you
realise, although they may take longer than you expect. So have patience.
3. It is easy for you to work yourself up into
a lather about the wrongdoings of
others. And it may sometimes be true
that they are wrong. But what is it to
you? As the wise saying has it, remove
the plank in your own eye before troubling yourself about the speck in your
neighbour’s eye. You are not without
faults and shortcomings of your own, so stop watching everyone else and
acknowledge your own failings.
4.
It is important for you to get in touch with your feelings,
particularly your unconscious impulses.
You may find that you are uneasy with your emotions and your sexual and
aggressive impulses-- in short, with the messy human things that make us
human. It might be beneficial to keep a
journal or to get into some kind of group therapy or other group work both to
develop your emotions and to see that others will not condemn you for having
human needs and limitations.
5. Your Achilles' heel is your self-righteous
anger. You get angry easily and are
offended by what seems to you to be the perverse refusal of others to do the
right thing -- as you have defined it.
Try to step back and see that you tend to play the role of "judge and jury," lecturing and moralising
to everyone else, often without much effect.
Your own anger may well be giving you an ulcer or high blood pressure
and is a harbinger of worse things to come.
6. One of the most difficult things for Ones is
to learn to allow people to be as they are and to come to decisions on their
own. It is tempting to tell people what
you think they should do--and while you may well be right, the wisdom of your
words will not do any good because you may not have acted wisely. Acting wisely involves knowing how much to
say and when to say it; it involves knowing what your listener can accept and
learn from. The wisest thoughts do no
good unless others are ready to hear them.
Therefore, let wisdom be your guide, not your rightness."
7. Listen to others: they are often right,
too. And even if they are not, there is
almost always some kernel of truth to the point of view they are
expressing. By listening to others, you
not only will learn more, but will become a more informed and sensitive
teacher. When you speak, others will
know that they are listening to a human being, not a logic machine.
8. Perfectionists drive others crazy. There is probably no single, absolutely
correct way of doing everything from washing dishes to ironing a shirt to
laying out a garden to every other activity in life. Many different things can
be done differently without anything valuable suffering because of it.
Moreover, perfectionism that is nothing more than a useless pickiness undermines
the confidence others have in you when you advise them about something truly
important. In short it is necessary to
discriminate between those times when perfection is a useful standard and when
it is not.
9. Unhealthy Ones tend to be
obsessive in their thought, and compulsive in their actions, and even average
Ones begin to manifest elements of these kinds of behaviour. Try to resist both
tendencies as soon as you become aware of them; if yielded to, they will lead
you into increasingly destructive behaviour.
In particular, be aware of the desire for total orderliness and control
of your environment since it is a harbinger of other, darker disorders. (An
exaggerated orderliness is often a displacement for the fear of losing control
in some other area of your life.) Try to find out what is really bothering you
and tackle those problems; do not waste your energy on the thousand little
annoyances you tend to spend yourself on.
10.
A person does not have to be perfect to be good. Give yourself the true
satisfaction of becoming human, not inhumanly perfect.
A) Sinfulness To Pray Through ...
1. ONES are preoccupied with the
imperfection around them and within themselves.
Mt 13:24-30. Parable of weeds.
Jesus challenges them to let weeds and wheat grow together until the
harvest.
2. ONES tend to dream impossible
dreams. Ph 3:6-10. Paul faces the limits of his impossible dream
of perfection by his own righteousness.
3. ONES are resentful. They repress their anger. Lk 15:25-32.
Parable of elder son. In anger
the elder son denies ties to his brother and refuses to go into the feast.
4. ONES constantly find fault and
notice what is lacking. Ga 6:1-5. Christians are to do good and bear one
another's burdens.
5. ONES have a drivenness about
them, a restless striving and no inner serenity. Mk 4:26-29.
Parable of seed growing secretly.
Relax, growth of reign of God is happening.
6. ONES can be obsessed with
minutiae. Mt 23:23-24. Jesus warns scribes and Pharisees who are
exacting in small things, but miss the more important: justice, mercy and good
faith.
7. ONES constantly rehash and hold
many post-mortems when things go wrong.
Is 38:17. Cast wrongs behind your
back; God forgets even sin.
8. ONES can be picky and always
fighting sloppiness in all areas of life.
Jn 8:1-11. Jesus looks with
compassion on the woman caught in adultery and not with the glaring eyes of the
righteous.
9. ONES are always qualifying their
statements and lack flow and naturalness with life. Mt 25:14-30.
Parable of talents. Constant
measuring of self is like burying the gift.
10. ONES are judgmental, look at
things in terms of good or bad, right or wrong, or are moralising. Mt 7:1-5.
On Judging. Jesus uses strong
words about judging others.
11. ONES are overly analytical,
often pondering the why of things. Is
55:8-9. God's thoughts and ways are
mysterious and so is human life.
12. ONES are argumentative. Ga 5:19-21.
Paul corrects this attitude as a work of self-indulgence.
13. ONES are harsh towards others in
their criticism. Jm 2:12-13. Judgement without mercy will be offered those
who show no mercy.
14. ONES have an ability to just let
things be. Lk 1:26-38. Annunciation.
Mary surrenders to God's plan in her life.
15. ONES are passive aggressive
rather than express anger directly. Mt
5:38-42. Jesus calls them to turn the
other cheek.
16. ONES say "yes" too
quickly and then resent it. IICor 9:7-8.
Free giving is what counts and not simply pleasing others.
17. ONES have explosive anger. Mt 5:43-44.
Jesus commands love of the enemy.
18. ONES are ruled by the
expectations of others. They worry
excessively. Mk 5:25-34. Cure of woman with a haemorrhage. She freely comes to touch Jesus despite
social pressure.
19. ONES are constantly critical and
finding fault with themselves. Lk
5:27-32. Jesus calls a tax collector and
eats with sinners.
20. ONES find it hard to receive
compliments as they feel that they do not deserve them. Lk 15:11-32.
Prodigal son. The father does not
treat the son as he deserves, but rather as a son.
21. ONES experience a great deal of
disappointment. Things are not what they
could be. Rm 8:31-39. God's love for them and the world is
unshakeable and calls for hope.
22. ONES are restless and have a
desire to move on to some other place or something else. Heb 2:14-18.
Jesus, the compassionate and trustworthy high priest, fully identified
with humanity.
23. ONES don't like to be tied
down. Heb 12:1-4. Example of Jesus whose fidelity they need to
keep in sight.
24. ONES do not like being in a
position with others' dependent on them.
They find the parental role difficult.
Ez 34:1-16. God reproves the
leaders (Shepherds) for failing to be responsible, healing and nurturing.
25. ONES speak with an edge in their
voice. They are at odds with reality. Jm
5:7-8. This passage calls them to be
patient with reality just as the farmer waits for rain.
26. ONES can easily ridicule, for
nothing is as it should be. Gn 1: 1-2,
4. God saw that creation was good.
27. ONES can feel guilty for being
human. Jn 13:1 -1 1. Jesus washes the
disciples' feet. Can they let him wash
their feet? Or must they clean them
first?
28. ONES dread criticism. To fend it off they will criticise themselves
first. I Cor 4:1-5. Paul challenges power given to others' criticism
and relinquishes judgement of self, for God is judge.
29. ONES cringe when scolded. Mt 6:19-21.
True Treasure. Jesus challenges
them to be attached in heart to the True Treasure.
30. ONES are forever
apologising. They take great pains to
make things clear even when it isn’t necessary. 2 Cor 11:30-33. Paul finds boasting foolish. Be with the image of the escape of Paul:
lowered in a basket from a window set in the outer wall of the town.
31. ONES find it difficult to
acknowledge their gifts. I Cor 12:4-1 1.
Paul says that gifts are from God.
32. ONES are jealous. I Cor 13:4. Love is not jealous.
33. ONES are misers with time. Mk 6:30-34.
Jesus seeks solitude, but allows the need of the crowd to take his
person and time.
B) Giftedness To Rejoice In And Strengthen In Prayer...
1. ONES have great idealism. They desire a world full of truth, love and justice. Mt 5:1-12. The Beatitudes.
2. ONES strive to do things
well. Ph 3:7-16. Paul describes his pursuit of perfection in
Christ.
3. ONES are scrupulously honest and
fair. They have a keen sense of fairness
and are straightforward in speech. Mk 3:
1-6. Jesus cures the man with the
withered hand.
4. ONES have a capacity to inspire
others. They are endowed with a divine
restlessness which goads them on to do good.
Ph 2:1-5. Paul urges unity in
love and humility.
5. ONES are gifted with leadership
qualities. Mk 10:35-45. Jesus describes leadership as service and not
being in the first place.
6. ONES make good teachers. They have good insight. Jn 4: 1-42.
Jesus and the Samaritan woman.
7. ONES can be critical and name
what is genuinely wrong. Mk 7:1-13. Jesus critiques the traditions of the
Pharisees.
8. ONES can be challenging and
stimulating. Mk 11:15-19. The cleansing of the
9. ONES find serenity when they are converted. 2 Cor 12:7-10. Paul's prayer: "My grace is enough for
you."
10. ONES have an ability to see
others' giftedness and enable it. Mk 1:
16-20. Call of disciples.
I 1. ONES are blessed with high
energy and great intensity. Mk
1:14-34. The first or typical day in the
mission of Jesus.
12. ONES make good missionaries or
preachers. I Tm 4:12-16. Paul urges
Timothy (and them) to fan the spiritual gift.
13. ONES have the gift of
perseverance. Mt 10:17-25. Trials of the disciples: Spirit will speak
through them.
14. ONES have a sense of loyalty. Jn 10:1-18.
The Good Shepherd. Jesus lays
down his life for his own.
15. ONES are stable and
level-headed. Lk 9: 51-56. Jesus rebukes the "sons of thunder"
who would call down fire from heaven on the inhospitable Samaritan town.
16. ONES have a keen sense of
justice and charity. Mi 6:8. God wants
justice, tenderness and humility.
17. ONES are defenders of the
downtrodden and the common cause. Lk
4:16-22. Jesus at
19. ONES are high principled. Ga 2:11-21.
Paul confronts Peter over his not eating with Gentiles and proclaims the
Gospel principle of faith in Jesus.
20. ONES are sensible and have the
capability of blending the real and the ideal.
Mt 15:21-28. Jesus responds
favourably to the Canaanite woman's plea to extend his healing power beyond
21. ONES have a sense of perspective
enabling them to view a problem or a situation as a whole. I K 3: 4-9.
Solomon's prayer for a discerning heart.
22. ONES are dependable. Mk 1: 40-45.
Jesus wants to cure the leper and does so.
Reflection & Meditation for Number ONE
Awareness
Deep down I'm very angry. That's my brokenness. I don't normally admit this. I generally cover it up so that nobody knows. But the tenseness of my body, in particular my face, often betrays me. I have a very strong sense of right and wrong and an inner voice criticizes me when I fail. I don't want to be seen as a hypocrite. I do so want to measure up to what God expects of me. The trouble is that I also want to achieve the impossibly high standards I frequently set for myself. And because I don't, I am fundamentally angry‑at God for not creating me perfect in the first place, at others for contributing to the mess the world is in, and at myself for not arriving more rapidly at what I consider to be spiritual wholeness. Time just runs away from me and I think I’ll never make it.
I always want to live from strength, not weakness. So a spirituality of self‑control rather than of brokenness is much more my style. I dislike the cold shell I have constructed because it makes it difficult for others to get to know me, and gives the impression that I am dismissive of people. In reality, though, it is only a way of protecting myself from getting hurt and from letting others see that I bleed too.
Other people seem to have a much easier life and I resent that. Because I see so clearly the faults in everything and everyone, I have become judgmental, critical and negative. Only grudgingly and with deliberate effort am I a source of affirmation and praise. I often think that when I share what little goodness I have, I somehow diminish my own store of it.
Advice
Allowing God to work in us, to heal our anger and ease our pain is a life‑long process. We mustn't be impatient or want everything "now." A spirituality which is strongly influenced by social justice issues is attractive to our type, given our interest in putting things right and transforming the mess.
However, the quiet, gentle approach is often what we need most. This is all the more important since we experience the world as being bigger than we are. It follows that we feel we have to work harder to control our environment and set things right. When we let God be God and not take on ourselves the burden of single‑handedly trying to improve on creation, we will save ourselves a lot of needless anxiety.
Attention
We are high‑energy people who are relentless in our pursuit of justice, right and moral perfection. What we need is to experience the peace and tranquillity of being quiet in God's presence. It helps to find a comfortable posture and relax tense muscles. An icon or other symbol may prove useful to get us started. There is no need for us to worry about putting words to our prayer. Since time is so important to us, having a set time for prayer each day helps. What we are trying to foster is receptivity and the generosity of "letting go." This will make it easier to forget our cares, concerns and current involvements and assist in calming our restless analytical minds.
1)
Matthew 10:1‑ 16 (The workers in
the vineyard)
This parable makes us face up to the reality that life is not
about fairness, but about gift. We are invited to become co-workers in building
the Kingdom. But God's generosity is always unconditional and does not depend
on our effort. Still less does it depend on keeping lists of rules and
regulations, like the Pharisees to whom it was originally addressed.
2) Luke 15:11‑32 (The parable of the prodigal son)
Reflecting on the role of the elder, dutiful son in this parable
brings us face to face with our own moralistic self-righteousness. Like him,
our spiritual hit‑list may well include members of our own family. While
we make every effort to contain our anger, it generally comes out in the form
of resentment. The model Jesus offers us is that of the compassionate father.