Enneagram: ONE
If you are ONE, you
are gifted in many ways. In particular, you are:
◙ Idealistic ◙ Principled ◙ Orderly
◙ Diligent ◙ Honest ◙ Conscientious
◙ Fair ◙ Dependable ◙ Ethical
However, like
everyone else, you have your flaws. For example, you can be:
◘ Uptight ◘ Critical ◘ Impatient
◘ Judgmental ◘
Inflexible ◘ Controlling
◘ Moralistic ◘ Puritanical ◘ Dogmatic
As a Perfectionist you strive so hard to
make everything and everyone as good as possible that you have become deeply
angry at any imperfection But you are so oblivious to your anger that you deny how controlling and destructive it is.
A. SELF‑PRESERVATION: Focus
on Anxiety
For you life is
more of a struggle than a gift. You believe love has to be earned and are
convinced that you get what you pay for. You are convinced that to survive you
have to hold on to what you have, and be prepared for every eventuality:
"What's mine is my own‑I earned it." Therefore, to be dependent
is threatening for your essentially go‑it-alone mentality.
Your anger is transformed into anxiety or relentless worrying. This is manifested in survival issues: having everything you need in all circumstances, getting things precisely right, planning future events, dealing with personal problems, etc. You possess a built‑in radar to reveal hidden threats, slights, or injustices, and direct your special resentment at those who apparently float through life without a care. Interestingly, this may reveal your own hidden needs.
B. SEXUAL: Focus on Jealousy
Your
idealization of the one‑to‑one relationship leads to a certain
possessiveness. It can also result in an anxiety that others will be considered
more desirable because they are more caring, clever, attractive, or fun than
yourself.
Your anger
appears as a jealous vigilance which keeps your antennae ever active, scanning
for any imagined coolness or rejection. The build‑up of resentment within
you and the continual comparison with others make for occasional heated
exchanges or outbursts. Generally, though, it simply festers.
The pain of
constantly comparing yourself with others is channeled into jealousy at
another's success, popularity, job promotion, social skills, etc. Because
enjoyment has to be earned, you see any perceived threat to it as unfair or
potentially disastrous.
C. SOCIAL: Focus
on (Non‑) Adaptability
Involvement in
correct causes (political, social, religious) is vital to you. There is one
right viewpoint‑yours. When your convictions clash with others you find
it hard to be flexible, especially when you think the right, the good, and the
true are at stake.
Your anger
generally comes out as frustration or criticism of yourself or the group for
not being perfect. You are unwilling or even unable to compromise, to give and
take, to make allowances, or to tolerate less worthy motives than the best.
When convinced of a course of action it is hard for you to keep an open mind or
appreciate alternative positions. When groups fail to measure up to set
standards you find yourself constantly sniping at them. You may attempt to
improve the group or, failing that, take the high moral ground and leave.
As you grew up
you began to realize that your dogged persistence, as well as your pickiness,
attention to detail, and generally critical and preachy approach were a
turnoff. After all, most people prefer to be praised than blamed, and to meet
people who accept them as they are, faults and all. So you began to rely on the
personality style nearest to you to give your own style some balance. You may,
for example, have spotted that impatience
is among the list of your characteristic flaws. But patience is one of the strengths of your Nine Wing. When you learn
to incorporate your wing‑strength into your own personality style, you
begin to soar.
Nine Wing: When you access the strengths of your Nine Wing you have a gut
combination. The Nine influence allows you to remain responsible but in a much
more relaxed fashion. It also means you will be inclined to seek harmony rather
than constantly finding fault, and that you will be able to "hang
loose" more. Additionally, you will be able to tolerate a greater amount
of untidiness in your life. There is a danger, though, that you will
procrastinate even more than usual.
Two Wing: When you access the strengths of your Two Wing you have a gut/heart
combination. This will help you in a different way. With it you become more
altruistic and concerned for others. This means that you will be better able to
deal in a more balanced way with both tasks and people. It also means you will
be less likely to burn out, because you are learning to use both intuition and
feelings to deal with issues satisfactorily. You will, however, need to be
careful that you pay attention to your own needs, because Two energy is
notoriously inclined to pay more attention to others' needs than its own.
Proper balance
is achieved by accessing the strengths of both
your wings and taking care to avoid their characteristic weaknesses. When
you do so, you learn to let go of your narrow Perfectionist viewpoint and begin
to experience the advantages of other points of view.
The Arrow
Theory of the Enneagram can be very helpful when you are feeling either
stressed or secure.
As a
Perfectionist you are motivated by your need to be right, and become stressed
when you say "yes" too quickly, don't delegate, and things don't
match your unrealistic expectations.
Almost as soon
as the pressure begins to build up, you gradually tend to slide to the lower
end of your own personality style. When this happens your natural tendency is
to redouble your efforts, to try harder, to burn the
As your stress increases
you find yourself all too easily adopting the negative characteristics of your Four-stress point. However, this
need not be an inevitable progression. You can, instead, get in touch with the positive side.
Four: (Stress Point)
-
You
redirect your anger inside, fostering depression.
-
You envy
other people's ease and grace.
-
You feel
resentful that expectations are not being met.
-
You lose
self‑confidence and feel unworthy of love.
+ You develop your creative
and artistic side.
+ You get in touch with your
deepest feelings.
When you are
secure you are generally more in touch with the higher side of your personality
style. As a One this allows you to accept yourself much more, to be more
tolerant of mistakes (your own and those of others), to let things be rather
than continually seek to change them. This means you become much more
compassionate and forgiving, are better able to hold good and bad in balance,
and are less likely to insist on unrealistically high standards.
All of this
feeds into the positive strengths of
your Seven security point. But, here too there can be some negatives. Dealing with the pluses and
minuses helps us grow.
Seven: (Security Point)
+ You brighten up and begin to enjoy life.
+ You let go of rigidities and become more spontaneous.
+ Yon concentrate on the positive rather than negative.
+ You become more self‑accepting and less judgmental.
- You open the door
to hidden excessive behaviors.
- You tend to overindulge
in one of these: food, drink, sex, certain activities, etc.
1)
Relax and
enjoy the moment.
2)
Lower your
ceiling!, your expectations.
3)
When you
can't cope, simplify.
4)
Remember
God can write straight with crooked lines.
5)
There's no
such thing as instant growth.
6)
Forgive
and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37)
The most
striking feature of this ONE portrait of Jesus is his capacity to share
with us the fullness of life he enjoys. He does this by accepting our weakness
and waywardness so that we do not become fixated by the 10% of ourselves that
is defective. He thus frees us to face the 90% of ourselves that we need to
have affirmed. By accepting our poverty Jesus enables us to appreciate all
of our goodness already realised and he also gives us the energy to realise all of our
goodness that is yet to be. Jesus puts before us a healthy blend of
idealism and realism. This is an idealism based on the gift of God more
than on our own achievement and a realism that faces the fact that we are
imperfect beings living in an imperfect world. Jesus has an all‑inclusive
vision in which he sees everything in perspective. This allows him to live
serenely with the good and the bad, with the ideal and less than the ideal,
with the weeds that grow amid the wheat.
This portrait
presents us with a love that is life‑giving. The people who
reflect this kind of love for us are those who are full of life themselves and
they want us to live life to the full. They do this by encouraging us to face
two important realities, the fact that we are weak and wayward as well as the
fact that we are gifted and graced. They urge us to face our potential as well
as our poverty so that we do not get so caught up with what is defective
that we are unable to appreciate what is good.
There are three
features of this first portrait that are particularly life‑giving.
(a)The first of these is experienced in those people who accept its as we
are. (b)The second emerges in their appreciation of our goodness.
These two life‑giving features are balanced by a third. (c) This is their
concern that we would become aware of and take responsibility for realising our potential
to the fullest extent.
The people who reflect this love which is life‑giving for us are full of idealism in wanting us to live life ever more fully. Their idealism or concern for all that yet might be for us does not obscure their view of all the good that is already present in us. This idealism is balanced by a healthy realism so that they do not engage in excessive striving to eradicate our defects.
The people who
reflect the love we are considering in this portrait are people who have
perspective. They do not get imprisoned in a corner of life but keep their
eye on what is essential and on how all else is related to this. They retain a broad vision and do not get preoccupied with the rules
and the ritual which this vision inspires. Because they have this broad vision they can live contentedly with what
is defective as they see this as only a small part of a largely gifted and
graced self. There is, therefore, a serenity about this portrait and about the
people who make it real for us and relevant to our experience.
A) Holy Perfection is seen here as a gift of life to be owned rather
than earned. It is an experience of life gradually being brought to full flower through the power of the
acceptance, appreciation and concern of the significant people in our lives.
Acceptance involves being freed from
our fixation with the 10% that is defective so that we live constructively and
contentedly with the weeds amid the wheat.
Appreciation concentrates on savouring the 90% of ourselves that has been brought
to full flower rather than becoming preoccupied with what is defective or with
what is yet to be achieved.
Concern is experienced in the
desire of those who love us that we would realise all our potential for living life more fully
Idealism is a passion for excellence
which is opened up and made attractive by people's appreciation and concern.
Realism is a living out our ideals
while accepting human limitations and weakness.
Perspective sees the relative
importance of everything.
Serenity is the virtue that holds idealism and realism in balance and lives contentedly with the weeds amid the wheat.