I) IN
GENERAL
If you are a
NINE, you are gifted in many ways. In particular, you are:
O Peaceful O
Calm O
Accommodating
O Unpretentious O
Reassuring O Tolerant
O Gentle O
Patient O
Imperturbable
However, like
everyone else, you have your flaws. For example, you can be:
O Indolent O
Forgetful O
Indecisive
O Apathetic O
Oblivious 0
Obstinate
0 Obsessive O
Addictive O
Nihilistic
As a Mediator
you strive so hard to avoid conflict that you become unassertive and self‑forgetful.
But you are so oblivious to your sloth that you deny how controlling and
destructive it is.
You protect
yourself from the demands and vicissitudes of life by seeking to shut them out
or ignore them altogether. So you may neglect what is important and replace it
with the trivial.
Having made
sure you are well supplied with provisions, you can binge on comfort eating and
drinking, zonk out in front of the television or video, listen to the radio or
your tape collection, and generally indulge in numbing behavior to block out
the pain or hassle.
When you dull
your senses with these routine patterns of behavior you don't have to act. This
means you don't have to merge with others and so risk losing your own identity.
Nor do you have to make a decision or take a stand and so risk experiencing
isolation and separation from others.
You long for the
wholeness which union with a special other brings. This other can be a lover,
guru, leader, media personality, nature, or God. You need union to give yourself
focus and direction in life, and to provide a reason for being. When you are
united with another, you feel as if you count for something and can no longer
be ignored. Your desire for spiritual union can be very strong.
You want to merge with another, even at the risk of losing your own individuality. Caught up in the other, you think you have found yourself at last, yet are generally unaware of what is going on in your life. Your energy comes from that special other. You are happy when your partner is happy, and sad when you have no one with whom to merge.
You like
joining groups and attending meetings because you like the feeling of
belonging, of being included, and of being energized. However, you generally do
not fully commit yourself to any group because of the possible conflicts.
You are happiest remaining in the background, and often you are in two minds as
to whether you want to belong or not.
Harmony within
the group is important to you and you can work hard at achieving it. Ideally
you want everybody to join in and to get along as one happy family. The
group mentality reinforces your tendency to hide from yourself, while the
energy you expend in group activities leaves little left over for you to use on
your own inner work. You are content to lose yourself in the group and become
all things to all people.
As you grew up
you began to realize that your general lack of focus, indecisiveness,
tardiness, and passive aggression were a turn‑off. After all, most people
prefer to be with those who bring zest, vitality, and a certain amount of passion
to life. So you began to rely on the personality style nearest to you to
give your own style some balance. You may, for example, have spotted that
indolence is among the list of your characteristic flaws. But diligence is one
of the strengths of your One Wing. When you learn to incorporate your wing‑strength
into your own personality style, you begin to soar.
Eight Wing: When you access the strengths of your Eight
Wing you have a gut combination. The Eight influence puts you more in touch
with your own anger, so that instead of swallowing it and becoming passive‑aggressive,
you can learn a more direct way of expressing it. In doing so you also become
less self‑effacing. Additionally, you learn to deal with situations
better by letting go of trivialities and concentrating on the essentials.
There is a danger, though, that you may become even more stubborn and
unmovable.
One Wing: When you access the strengths of your One Wing
you have another gut combination, and this will help you in a different way.
With it you begin to prioritize better, become energetic (though without
overdoing it), and are more likely to face up to, rather than dodge, serious
issues. You also become much more responsible and precise. You will, however,
need to be careful lest you become so resentful that you become
"picky," self‑critical, and judgmental.
Proper balance
is achieved by accessing the strengths of bout your wings and taking care to
avoid their characteristic weaknesses. When you do so, you learn to let go
of
your compulsive
Mediator viewpoint and begin to experience the advantages of other points of
view.
The Arrow
Theory of the Enneagram can be very helpful when you are feeling either
stressed or secure.
As a Mediator
you are motivated by your need to be calm and at peace. You are stressed when
you have to face difficult issues, meet deadlines, or confront others.
Almost as soon
as the pressure begins to build you gradually tend to slide to the lower end of
your own personality style. When this happens your natural tendency is to shut
down. This may involve a variety of tactics from leaving the room, going home
to mother, not paying attention, concentrating on unimportant projects, falling
asleep, or numbing yourself out with alcohol. Another favorite ploy is to
procrastinate. However, putting things off only delays the inevitable.
As your stress
increases you find yourself all too easily adopting the negative
characteristics of your Six-stress point. However, this need not be an inevitable
progression. You can, instead, get in touch with the positive side.
Six: (Stress
Point)
-
You see
practically everything as a source of anxiety.
-
You
endlessly delay decision making.
-
Your poor
self‑image is magnified by increased doubts.
-
You become
locked into passivity and inertia.
+ You develop practical life skills for supporting others.
+ You courageously begin to face up to problems.
When you are
secure you are generally more in touch with the higher side of your personality
style. As a Nine this allows you to become more focused and to wake up to the
reality of your situation. When not entranced, you are better able to get in
touch with what you feel and are more likely to be forthright and direct in
demanding that your legitimate needs be met. You no longer neglect yourself or
take yourself for granted, but take better care of your health and general
appearance. Effectively, you are more energetic and better able to act on your
own behalf and on behalf of others. This means you no longer have to use
substitute strategies or avoiding tactics to get what you want.
All of this
feeds into the positive strengths of your Three security point. But, here too
there can be some negatives. Dealing with the pluses and minuses helps us grow.
Three: (Security
Point)
+ You get tire "kick‑start" yon need to get on with
life.
+ Yon become more positive about your self‑image.
+ You focus your attention on what needs to be done.
+ You are energized by making confident choices.
-
You avoid
facing your inner emotional life.
-
You
overburden yourself with too many projects.
V)
HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS
1)
Every
journey begins with the first step.
2)
Face the
problems‑they won't go away.
3)
A stitch
in time saves a Nine!
4)
I, too, am
worthwhile and much loved.
5)
The truth is
in there!
6)
Every hair
on your head is counted. (Luke 12:7)
VI
THE NINETH PORTRAIT OF JESUS: FRIENDSHIP
This portrait
is of Jesus as our friend. The friendship he seeks is based on a gift he gives
of himself in self‑disclosure. He reveals himself as one who accepts our
limitations and who wants us to see these in the context of all the good he
finds in us. In making himself known as one who accepts and affirms us he
initiates a friendship which he invites us to enter by believing in what he
reveals. Jesus wishes to maintain the friendship we have entered by engaging us
in an ongoing dialogue. On the quality of this dialogue will depend the
closeness of the friendship Jesus wants to establish with each person.
The people who
give us a glimpse of this portrait are our friends. Their friendship with us is
based on what they share and this can range from some hobby we have a common
interest in to a gift of themselves they give us by revealing themselves to us.
Underlying whatever they share about themselves with us is a sense of being
chosen and trusted by them with the revelation of their unique self. In
revealing themselves to us, friends trust that we will respect what they reveal
and that we will accept their weakness and appreciate their strengths. They in
turn accept our limitations and they do not let these get in the way of their
sensitivity to and respect for the essential goodness they find in us. They
affirm us by appreciating all that we have already achieved and they are
concerned that we attain all the life and happiness that we are capable of.
The people who
make this portrait real for us seek to establish and maintain the friendship
they initiate with us. They initiate this friendship by choosing to make
themselves known to us and in their ongoing effort to come to know the self
they wish to share. The response they ask of us is that we would receive the
gift of themselves which they offer us and that we would accept and affirm the
person they reveal to us just as they offer to do the same with the self we
reveal to them. They seek to maintain the friendship they have established with
us by regular communication. This requires that we listen and respond honestly
to what we each reveal of ourselves in an ongoing way. By this mutual sharing
we call each other into the intimate relationship of friendship.
VII
How The Features Of This Portrait Are Related In Enneagram Terms
A. Holy Love is symbolised by friendship in which we seek to live in harmony
with our own weakness and essential goodness as well as with that of others.
Friendship thus involves
Accepting our weaknesses and those of others. This means
being tolerant, patient and willing to be reconciled with all those areas of
our lives from which we have become estranged.
Affirming
our strengths and
those of others. This requires that we acknowledge our essential goodness,
appreciate all the good that is already ours and that we are concerned about
all the good that yet may be.
B. Essential
activity is the virtue by
which we accept and affirm each other in a practical and ongoing way and thus
Initiate a friendship by choosing to take the risk of disclosing ourselves to each other in an objective and frank way. We then seek to
Establish our friendship by accepting the weak self and by affirming the essentially good self we reveal to each other. Part of the 'essential activity' of doing this is that we work at the change of mind and heart involved in this mutual and ongoing acceptance and affirmation. We can
Maintain
our friendship by
ongoing communication. In this we are receptive in how we listen and honest in
how we respond in a non-threatening and non‑judgmental way.
The
intimacy of our friendships is proportionate to the quality of our communication and to the depth
at which we share.